You do, I do, everyone does
What is it?
Gossiping!
We, humans, are gossip-oriented, it's in us, a human behaviour; it's natural.
You gossip, I gossip, and everyone gossips.
Gossips Gossips Gossips…
Today's digest is about “How to gossip” not “Why to gossip”.
Whenever the topic gossip comes up, the first thing that comes to mind is bullying. Gossiping is equal to bullying. Right?
Wrong.
Someone said, “I appeal to consider gossiping illegal.” And that someone is me. Yeah, I said that earlier in some LinkedIn posts because I was unaware of what gossip is in real.
Do you know the real definition of gossip?
According to some academic research, Gossip is defined as “positive or negative information exchanged about an absent third party.”
Did you hear the word positive?
Yes, you heard it. So, saying something nice about someone in his absence, like “Sumit writes very well!” or “I love Sumit’s work!” would also be considered as gossip.
Often, gossiping is considered as it is associated with women more. To know why it is like that, we need to dig into the origin.
Origin of the word ‘Gossip’
One can see that the word gossip is strongly gender-biased from the very beginning. The word ‘Gossip’ is generally derived from the Old English godsibb, which means “God’s sibling, referring to the spiritual bond between godparents and godchildren. The term refers to the female friends of a child’s mother who were present at the child’s birth. As they spent hours waiting for the baby to be born, they chatted, provided moral support, and, undoubtedly, bonded with each other. Researchers note that these friends were generally always women.
While the concepts of ‘gossip’ and ‘gossiping’ described a phenomenon strictly reserved to women, they were not considered as particularly negative.
“I don’t gossip! Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something, and I pass that information on, you know, kind of like a public service. It doesn’t mean I’m a gossip!”
- Rachel (Friends)
Types of gossipers
Consider there are 8 types of gossipers in the world, categorised as the spy, the climber, the victim, the entertainer, the revenger, the interferer, the jealous and the confident. let’s know about them in detail:
The Spy: Spy gossipers are curious and are driven by information gathering. They listen more than talk, they seek information. They might not spread gossip themselves but can be a source for other.
The Climber: The social climbers enhance their status by aligning themselves with influential people or undermining competitors. They share gossip selectively to gain favor. They can create divisions and mistrust among a group.
The Victim: Victims often seek support and sympathy. They share stories of how they’ve been wronged, often exaggerating or falsifying facts. They can create a negative environment and destroy trust among people.
The Entertainer: The entertainers amuse to create social bonding. They share amusing or shocking stories to capture attention, they are attention-seekers. They can spread misinformation but often seen as harmless or fun.
The Revenger: Revengers seek revenge or want to settle scores. They spread negative information about someone they dislike. They can severely damage reputations and relationships.
The Interferer: The interferer have a need to feel important and are filled with boredom. They share delicate information with others. They can be annoying and can create an uncomfortable atmosphere around.
The Jealous: The jealous gossipers spread gossips that can be harmful or false information to hurt others. They can cause significant emotional and social harm.
The Confident: The confident ones seek or provide emotional support. They share personal stories and experiences in a trusting relationship. They can strengthen bonds but may fail to maintain confidentiality if not careful.
So these are the types of gossipers, now you need to realize which type you fall into.
How to gossip effectively
Earlier in this post, I told you we will break down “How to gossip.” not “Why to gossip.” I hope you understand that we can’t abandon gossip, it’s in us, and we can’t resist it. So don’t go for “why to”, go for “how to”. Let’s break down “How to gossip.”
Positive gossip
Remember, I told you that gossip is both negative and positive information exchange in the absence of a third party. It’s simple: whenever you like someone or like someone’s work, you praise them in the absence of them. You share good things about them, about their work, and much more. People likes this gossip more than one-on-one praiseful conversations. For example, sharing someone's achievements with others or praising them among others, like ‘I love Sumit’s articles, he writes so well!’ or ‘See this article by Sumit, it’s amazing!’
Negative gossip
The right way to gossip negatively is without revealing the name of the person you’re gossiping about. I know we are more indulge into gossiping shit about a person and we can’t resist that but we can reframe the gossip by eliminating the identity of the person. For example, there is a writer who writes too well, but he writes so much that his usual articles look so long—see no revelation of the identity of the writer and finished gossiping as well. You can gossip negatively while revealing the identity of the person, but only with people who have a good relationship with that person. Remember, don’t do negative gossip more, try to avoid doing it, it will make you a lonely person, and it’ll break you down in social gatherings. Keep negative gossips up to you.
Focus on Relationships
Use gossip as a means to strengthen relationships with people you are gossiping with and with people you are gossiping about. Engage in gossip that brings people together rather than divides them. Like, discussing someone's success or achievements so positively that everyone loves it and gossips about you and that person’s success and achievements more positively.
Insights from Research and Experts
Social Connection: Dr. Eshin Jolly and Dr. Luke Chang found that gossip helps form social bonds and trust. By sharing information, individuals feel more connected to their group, fostering a sense of community and belonging.
Promoting Cooperation: Studies by Feinberg and Willer (2014) indicate that gossip can deter selfish behavior and promote cooperation within groups. Knowing that one might be gossiped about can encourage prosocial behavior, benefiting the overall group dynamics.
Personal Growth: Positive gossip can enhance self-esteem and life satisfaction. According to research from The Netherlands, hearing positive gossip can serve as a source of inspiration and self-reflection, helping individuals improve themselves.
"Even when gossip may sound negative or rude, the conversations often start from a place of thoughtfulness. People are concerned about each other and often check in to see how others are doing."
- Dr. Stacy Torres
Last Words
Encourage positive gossip that highlights good behaviours and achievements. Use negative gossip as an opportunity for reflection and improvement.
Gossiping is not as bad as it seems to be, only if you gossip more positively.
I hope you enjoyed reading.
Thanks