Saying this makes you a pessimist (No!)
The best thing that comes under your healthy boundaries
Saying ‘no’ without feeling guilty and listening to ‘no’ without getting offended is an art.
—Anonymous
Saying ‘NO’ makes you a pessimist. No, actually not. It doesn’t make you sound like a pessimist. It’s exactly the opposite; I love saying ‘no’ to things that matter less than zero to me, and that’s very optimistic.
Fuck them who say they can do it and agree to do it when from inside they are not sure of it, or they want to say ‘no’ but they can’t because the other person will shoot them with a rifle or an AK47. You think I am kidding here, but I am not. You actually do feel like the one who thinks the other one will shoot you up if you do not do it.
Let me share one of my experiences of saying ‘no’ or saying ‘yes’ with you. Let’s see:
Personal experience of being a yes-kinda guy
Earlier, if you see me I was exactly that ‘yes’ kind of guy, who agreed with every opinion or work others put inside me or told me to do. Yeah, I was the guy who thought others would shoot me up if I said no to them. The thing is, I was totally not honest with myself. I was putting other people's opinions and thoughts into me, telling myself that this is right and that is right where nothing was right because I was just saying it without believing it. And this yes kind of thing made me do many more things where I forgot to do what I have to do for myself. I was losing myself in other people's opinions and work I agreed upon, to whom I said many yeses.
The yes kind of thing doesn’t end here. One day I was hurried for my board mathematics exam, and a neighbour beside my home asked me to bring some of the things required in their kitchen from the market. And yeah, I couldn’t say no to him even if I was hurried for the exam, just because I was having breakfast in their home. I thought I would dishonour him by saying no. So I agreed to do it and hurried to get it done as fast as I could, and thanks to God, I was on time in the examination hall. But one question still provokes me to scratch myself hard, i.e., Did I feel better?
No! I didn’t feel better about it when I agreed to do the task my neighbour assigned me. And that’s a huge problem. I didn’t care about solving it because I thought that’s how it works: You do better for others by feeling worse for yourself. But it didn’t go right at all. How can one feel worse about himself for his whole life? Now, to solve this issue, we have to dig it more and go to the root of the problem I was facing, and somehow you as well face every day. Let’s read further, pals.
The root of the problem/issue
It’s not about us; it’s about them.
—Simple Digest
It’s not about us; it’s about them. It’s about our upbringing; it’s about our parents, who take part and are responsible for our growth. I hope you remember your parents saying you shouldn’t say no to anyone or you shouldn’t say no to your older ones. Don’t try to hide it; our parents surely told us this in our early days. So, now, I want you to scold your parents for this. No, not at all! I don’t want you to blame your parents for this. Listen to me; I am saying no one is scolding their parents for this, okay? I hope you get it. Now let me talk on behalf of your parents.
Your parents are also like us only: humans. Humans who are also still learning like us aren’t born knowing everything about the world. They are not your superheroes like you used to say to them when you were small. Yes, they are your superheroes, but they are also still learning to be a good superhero for you. And if they are learning, then they will make mistakes for sure. They will make mistakes for their whole life because they are going to keep learning for their whole life. We are going to keep learning and make mistakes for our whole life. Therefore, you and your parents are alike in dealing with this issue. So just stop fucking blaming them and take the responsibility yourself to solve this fucking problem of being a yes-kind of guy for everyone. Don’t worry, I am here to help you out with it.
Here we go.
The solution: Dollar💯guide to start saying NO
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.
—Derek Sivers
Forget about everything you did in your yes-kinda phase and start a new way out. Don’t listen to me at all in this. Listen to your voice. Listen to your gut. What does your gut tell you to do? Listen to it.
My take on saying no would be pro/con-less, which means I am going to show you the benefit of both saying ‘no’ and saying ‘yes’ as well and quiet in the middle to puzzle you out somewhere.
Let’s go.
Saying NO
Saying no helps you with mostly knowing yourself. Here are the benefits of saying no, that matter zero in your life:
If it is not a damn yes, then it should be a hell no. This is overrated, and I know you all know about it already: if it’s not a damn yes, then it should be a hell no. You know what? Just say it out loud: If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.
Saying no will affect the relationship with them, but what about the relationship with yourself getting affected when you’re saying yes to them? Just start saying no, and you are going to feel better about yourself for saying it afterwards.
Start saying no to the things that matter zero or less than zero in your life. Why say yes to those things? You know it doesn't matter at all then why not get your ass out it.
Saying no gives you more power than saying an unwanted yes. People always want more yeses from you when you say yes to all of them. And whenever you say no, it turns out to be powerful; everyone starts respecting it, they start respecting your boundaries.
Make saying no your default to accomplish more of what matters. Making saying no your default is the key to doing your own thing that matters only to you and will make you feel better about yourself.
Saying YES
Saying yes is not always as bad as we see it. It's quite the opposite of it and you can get benefits from it. Here's how?
Especially, I believe saying yes works better when we are not sure of both. Like if you are not sure about saying no as well then saying yes can quite be right. Maybe by saying yes you can get what you want and need in your life. Here are the plus benefits:
If the idea excites you or sparks curiosity, say yes. Even if you’re unsure how to do it, curiosity is a sign that there’s something to learn.
If saying yes feels uncomfortable but can lead to growth, go for it. Growth happens when you step into the unknown, not when you stay where you are.
Ask yourself – “What’s the worst that can happen?” If the worst outcome isn’t life-changing or dangerous, say yes. Failing at something small still teaches more than doing nothing.
Imagine yourself a year from now. Would you regret not trying? If the answer is yes, say yes today.
When both yes and no feel equal, always choose action. Saying yes leads to experience, while no often keeps you in the same place.
Say yes – even if that way lead to failure, they’ll also lead to lessons. When you see my story—even I learned from saying more yeses and got to know when I should have to say yes and when to say no.
Final thought:
Knowing when to say ‘no’ and ‘yes’ to people, work or anything else can make a person wise. And when you became a wise person you win half of the game already.
Know when to say ‘no’ and when to say ‘yes’.
Could you buy me a coffee☕?
Happy Sunday :)
P.S. I’ve built a year-in-review template for the year 2024; you can grab it for free by clicking here.