A 5-Step Framework for Setting Boundaries that’ll 5x your control over life
Standing up for yourself without getting emotionally agitated
You can mute people in real life as well. It's called boundaries.
—Ankur Warikoo
You wake up at 9 o’clock or 10, maybe it’s noon, sitting on your back, arms folded, head down, closed eyes, and trying to get up, but your thoughts pull you down. You start thinking of yesterday’s argument with your colleague or friend. You think about how it went, overthink every word your colleague said, and then doublethink.
Then you think about last night's conversation with your father scolding you for coming late at home. Why the hell he said to me? You say.
Again, you think of the argument you had with your friend. Why did it happen? Your mind screams. It’s scratching you up. You start hurting your head. Keep scratching. Scratch. Scratch!
Felt good? A little right?
No. It’s not good at all. You will again scratch your head the next day.
It’s your thoughts. You let it control you. Ultimately, you let others control you. You don’t have that one thing.
The thing is boundaries. You don’t have boundaries. You don’t have control in your life.
Today’s digest is all about setting boundaries. Let’s dive in.
A 5-Step Framework for Setting Boundaries that’ll 5x your control over life
Underrated skill: Standing up for yourself without getting emotionally worked up.
—Ben Meer
Crucial things while setting healthy boundaries are standing up for yourself and not getting emotionally agitated.
What if you could do both?
Here we go.
5 steps to set healthy boundaries:
Self-worth with affirmations
You can say you have self-worth, but to actually build it, you need to take action.
Affirmations will help you with it. They have helped me too.
I choose relationships that get stronger every day.
I am surrounded by loving people.
I have positive people in my life.
I have kind people in my life.
I am treated with care and respect by others.
Define your boundaries
Get clear about what you don’t want in your life.
Accept or ignore based on your past experiences with people. Start adding new ones as your past grows.
Here are some ideas:
I don’t allow people to tell me whatever they want.
I want my things in the right place every time.
Create your own.
Observing emotions
Stand up for yourself without getting emotionally agitated.
Here’s how:
Start observing them whenever your emotions hike up. Stop letting negative ones consume you.
A few skills to get started with: meditation, journaling, and more.
Separate yourself from your emotions. Ask: What is this emotion trying to tell me?
Emotions are often messages to take action.
-Ben MeerCommunicating Boundaries
A boundary-setting template to guide your approach.
Ask: “Is now a bad time?”
When you _____, I felt _____.
I have a personal rule where I only allow/don't allow _____.
If you keep doing _____, I will have to _____.
I hope we can make this work and continue to _____.
Here are a few more tips straight away from the mouth of Ben Meer’s System Sunday.
Be hard on the problem, soft on the person.
Be clear and direct about what you expect.
Stay open to compromise while still maintaining your boundaries.
Consider telling a trusted 3rd party for support & accountability.
Enforce
Change it, leave it, or accept it.
You’ve tried changing it, now you can either:
Leave the relationship
Accept it, and stay agitated
No adult-to-adult relationship is worth sacrificing your self-worth.
-Ben MeerTL;DR
Build Self-worth with affirmations
Define your boundaries
Observe your emotions
Communicate your boundaries
Enforce your boundaries
You are worthy of standing up for yourself.
Let’s go, yeah.
Boundaries are for self-worthy people. Are you self-worthy enough? Ask yourself.
Do well
Much love :)